I hated my fat because I loved my body!!

So often people want to lose weight, they complain about their fat or a part of their boody they dislike. I find it interesting and honestly complete crap that more often than not the response to this is “what?? you look great,””you don’t need to lose weight,” or “size doesn’t matter.”  I even asked my doctor at one point before I got to my top weight because I had gained 5 lbs and I didn’t think I was doing anything different and he told me “that happens as you get older.” He did’t even ask about my nutrition or exercise level. I get that people are trying to be supportive, but really it’s not support, it’s telling somebody to live with their insecurities, deal with the weight, don’t change, don’t be healthier.. and really, it’s probably because it helps them feel better or forces them to face their own insecurities. But, if somebody wanted to change their haircolor or a negative personality trait and strive to be a nicer person or gossip less they would get all in support. I think there is something wrong with this picture. I completely understand that we want to support people in accepting/loving who they are, and we don’t want people to feel shame about their weight. I don’t want people to feel shame about anything. But, I feel it is perfectly acceptable to hate your fat. 

I got to a point last February that I hated my fat.  To clarify, as much as I hated my fat, I still loved myself as a person and I still loved my body. I respected it, I did not feel bad about myself because of my weight. I hated my fat because at 153 lbs my back hurt driving for more than an hour away, I was not in good physical shape, I did not feel healthy. It was because I loved my body that I hated my fat so much. I wanted to treat my body with respect and give it the proper nutrients it needs to be healthy, I want to take care of it, it is the only one I will get. 

A year later I am down 27 lbs, for my friends who are also health conscious (with their nutrition and physical health), they are very supportive and think it’s awesome. However, I still hear all of the time, “if you lose any more weight their will be nothing left of you,””you look great you don’t need to lose any more,”or my favorite is the judgement I get for eating healthy. That to me is the most offensive! At what point did our society start to judge people for eating HEALTHY, it blows my mind. When I am told “you should just eat,”or “I’m glad to see you eat (sweets) at least sometimes,” I don’t even know how to really respond.  I happen to eat a healthy, balanced diet. I love the foods I eat, if I didn’t I would not have continued this lifestyle more than a year later. The whole, natural, clean food that I eat is delicious and my body thrives on it, I feel phsyically and mentally amazing. 

My overall goal is to still lose 6 more lbs. This apparently is cause for mass judgement. But I want to lose 6 more lbs of fat. If I gain “weight” as in muscle back or if the scale doesn’t change, I still know that I will be losing 6 more lbs of fat. Over time I will continue to add muscle, but I am healthy, active, I feel great and I can keep up with my kids. I will be honest I do enjoy the way my body looks, even though it also comes with changes I didn’t think about, like loose, wrinkled skin from having 3 babies and losing a cup size or two, since my body is no longer filled out with fat. I am actually starting to feel more pride in my loose skin; at first I was self-conscious about it. I did not expect it as much thinking about losing the weight. But I feel like it shows the person I am, a mother of 3 boys, with imperfections, flaws, and developing amazing self-esteem.  I do not look like a super model, but I love my body as much as I did. I just feel so much better physically and mentally when I am healthy.


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