My family is one that takes a lot of energy, which thankfully we have a lot of. My husband has ADHD and as our boys started school it seemed inevitable, and it was for our two older boys, now 9 and 8. As a mom trying to function with hyperactive, impulsive, easily bored, strong willed, very busy boys, I read and studied everything on ADHD, everything relating to BOYS! It wasn’t even until sometime this past year that I read an article on what it looks like in women, starting from childhood.
This article nailed my childhood to a tee. The more I learned, I will say I have self diagnosed myself also with some form of ADD/ADHD. This was a realization that my whole family is filled with a challenge. To me though it is a gift, yes there are so many struggles that come with it, but so many strengths also.
At one point in time I can say our quality of family life sucked, it was horrible, miserable. Everything was frustrating, keeping up on things was a nightmare because the moment I caught up to one thing my kids had demolished another within seconds. Add to that constant boredom, leading to impulsive misbehavior and impulsive verbal reactions with 3 boys that feed off each other….. constant fighting, yelling and refusal to cooperate…. yup, quality of life was surviving. Constant survival mode.
I look back on those days and realize how my every action was to survive; of course there were great moments, love, snuggles and hugs, but overall the stress outweighed the positive. I am now a parent who is proud to say our house thrives on medications, I see many articles that praise medication, judge it, question it. And the decision to have medication be a part of my children’s treatment was not easy, but it got to a point that I realized my kids’ quality of life was not great. They were always in trouble and for what? For being impulsive! I can say it is a blessing, it has not solved all things, it takes a lot of work to parent my children, a lot of patience, love, kindness and respect. But I have realized lately how many amazing moments I have in my home, I realize how pleasant my house is, the boys are respectful, they can focus, they play together and I have “me” time that I cherish daily.
Medications do not solve everything, they are not magical pills that create perfectly functioning children; but in my experience they allow my children the ability to learn, to be guided and to have the opportunity to thrive in school and ponder their actions before it’s too late. For my husband and myself we have learned our strengths and weaknesses and have learned how to use them to our benefit. We do not use medications ourselves, but I know the option would never be off the table. I have come to find yoga and mindfulness to be very beneficial. Which is ironic because mastering mindfulness when I am inattentive, well, let’s just say they do not go hand in hand. It was a lot of hard work, but it has really paid off.
I was recently complimented on my ability to multitask, I believe the words were along the line of “she is a superhero, she will make you feel lazy.” Which was a reference to how much I can accomplish with my time. And I do take pride in my ability to be a mom, attentive wife and love my career. I have found that organization is key and to not have more things in my home than necessary. I love to clean which uses up my plentiful amounts of energy in a postive way and I take time to myself to not get caught up in becoming anxious by the constant go, go, go. I am truly blessed to have found balance in my family with ADHD. I see other families struggle so much, and of course all people are different in their experiences and how they handle things, but I hope that my family scenario can offer many hope that families can thrive with ADHD.