What great adventure have you been on? This was the opening line last Sunday. And, I found it very interesting that while I cherish motherhood more than anything, I mean it once defined me, but I began to think of vacations and my bucketlist of places my husband and I have went on and places we want to go. Thinking of being a wife and mother did cross my mind, but it floated right through my thoughts as quickly as it came. I think this portrays quit well the phase of life I am in. Motherhood did once define me, which in some ways was fabulous, but at the same time, it defined me because I lost myself at one point, I didn’t know who I was without my children. Now, I am Sarah, a confident woman with interests, a career, friends and best of all a very loving husband and 3 amazing boys with unique characteristics and traits. Being a mother now rounds out who I am, I am a healthier mother because it no longer defines me.
Asking us to ponder our greatest adventure led to asking us to ponder our adventure, our journey with God! I can definitely say I have had a great journey with God, of course with any relationship, also some ups and downs. While reflecting on our journey with God the big statement that hit home for me, right now in my life especially was,
“The thing you’ve been avoiding, Jesus will walk you right into the middle of it!”- Pastor Ryan
Uh yup, for sure, that is my life right now. A few weeks ago Jesus brought the sermon topic of addiction into my life, which resulted in learning new things about my family, which were eye opening, I went through so many emotions including, sadness, anger, surprise, the feeling of “of course, it all makes sense now,” reasurrance of God leading me to my career of working in addiction. One thing is for sure, I can say that Jesus walks me through my life, guiding me at the right times, showing me things I need to know and walking me not just into them, but through them, radiating stronger because of it.
I really had to think about what thing I avoid, because I am quite an outgoing person, I stir things up, seek things out, I don’t do well with keeping things in because it eats at me and I know it is so unhealthy to keep things bottled up. So what do I avoid? Family conlict and tension…….. for me family conflict is very uncomfortable, which I have also realized why. Which is the first step to overcoming it, if I know why family conflict is so uncomfortable I can understand it and work through it. For all of the great aspects of my family, one downside is that we are not the super sharing of our emotions type of family. I used to think we were, but I realized it is more for the happy, comfortable feelings, not things that we struggle with or feelings that cause conflict. Those feelings are bottled up, brushed off, or if they are brought up are quickly redirected.
With learning how addiction has impacted my family I have already had my feelings dismissed, brushed off and ignored. It is quite painful and makes me naturally want to continue to avoid family conflict. The sermon was so reassuring though, Pastor Ryan said “when we address the thing we’ve been avoiding, people experience the kingdom of God. When you address this, it will change you.”These words were so powerful to me because God brought me to this revelation and I know God will help me through it and grow from it. I feel this is an opportunity to take a relationship that I have struggled with in my family to a new level, to grow closer and start to really connect at a deeper level. But, in order to do this, I will need to face family conflict head on, I will need to be very uncomfortable, stir up feelings and I can imagine having people angry at me. Thankfully for me, I know how to have healthy relationships, and I know that I cannot control other peoples feelings, those feelings are on them, not me; but I can offer support, enouragement and guidance.
One thing I know right now is that whatever is put in my path, when I am walking alongside God, I know I can overcome. I have confidence confronting the emotions I am feeling, address the secrets we keep and standing up for myself and others because Jesus led me here and I know he will walk me through it, not just into it.