I realized today, that I do in fact have a favorite color. For the longest time, maybe a few years, I haven’t been able to answer the question “what is your favorite color?”How could I pick just one? It can represent so many things, something personal about me, something I enjoy to look at, or just because it sparks my interest. To me though, answering that question represents something about me, maybe my personality, my goal to live simple and content while always striving to do and learn more, what sooths me? What a complex question….
Today, I wondered why is this so complex and I realized its because each day I continue to learn who I am and what I really want to be and want out of life. I think it was always hard to identify because people always give bold colors as options and I am not always bold, some days are duller than other, some days I’m sad, some are energetic; each day is different and different colors radiate and reflect different feelings. At church today, during the sharing of somebody elses personal story, it hit me, “warm gray.” That is my favorite color. It is a blank canvas, you can add any accent color and instantly change the mood and make a very bold statement. I also find it warm and soothing.
This realization is comforting, I have a favorite color. This discovery, while it can seem minimal, simple, maybe not a big deal to some, is one of the many things I learn about myself through worshiping God. I grew up in church, it has always been a foundation of me, a root of who I am. The past few years I have struggled with what that means in my life, what is my role in God, in my faith, what is that role to my children (I have 3 boys by the way), in my work and with my friends? After thorough research and struggling with different beliefs in different churches, two years later I have finally found a new “home”for my family. Each week all of the questions I had are finding new meaning. Each week I am filled with emotions and find much comfort being at church and he (God) is radiating through me, I hope to my kids, my husband, friends and in more of my actions.
Each week I relate to the topic and it finds a place in me. That is what, at least for the for the foreseeable future, “Warm Gray Ramblings” will be about. Putting this intro blog into action, the words to..well computer, has even been difficult as I easily side track and “ramble”if you will. It will be my reflections of what I have learned in the process of turning 30, discovering myself and really how I am learning, absorbing God into my life as an adult. I am also sure I will have many thoughts to put to words on the trials of parenting as I have a pluther of struggles and joys that come with that. My hope, through my blogs though, is that, maybe another person will find comfort in the fact that I struggle with life, some days more than others, I have many obstacles, mostly emotional; however, ultimatley I handle it well, that doesn’t mean it is easy, but I have learned postive ways to stay “sane” and flourish. Maybe some will find humor in my fantastic, outgoing boys, that never leave a dull moment in my house, they are hilarous, fill me with laughter, tears, joy, comfort and worry.
For years I have wanted to write, for me, I love it. But, until now it has always been trapped in my head, usually due to lack of follow through in writing and due to having such a busy life I haven’t had the time. It feels relieving to make it a reality.